When you have no Emotional Connection with your mate, you can’t relate to each other, and so you are not in relationship. For instance, the following story from a woman in New York, tells of her recent boyfriend experience.
“I told him I felt like he was trying to keep me isolated from his life because while he had met a lot of my friends, he’d gone out of his way to make sure I didn’t meet his. He said he didn’t want them to meet because he wasn’t sure if he’d ever love me. He was with me because there was a possibility that he could grow to love me.
“I was in such a bad place emotionally at the time that I still stayed with him for months — I was afraid of being alone. Things only ended after nine months because he moved to another city for work. He always viewed me as a short-term thing, and I always hoped for more.
“I was left behind feeling used and unlovable. My biggest regret was not ending things then and there.” —Anonymous, New York
The Signs That Emotional Connection is Missing
“I was in such a bad place emotionally.”
Emotional Connection first involves honestly opening up about yourself and revealing to another human being your deepest thoughts and emotions. Second, the other person needs to hear you, then acknowledge, accept and appreciate what you shared. More so, they can feel what you feel, and empathize.
When you have no Emotional Connection, people can end up in “a bad place emotionally” and be stuck there for some time. This is because the act of sharing your authentic self and having another person accept you is healing. You cannot be in a bad place emotionally for any length of time when you are in a real, actual relationship.
Love is the emotion of connection.
“He wasn’t sure if he’d ever love me.”
A funny thing happens when two people share their true thoughts and feelings, and acknowledge, accept and appreciate those feelings. Love is generated. Expressing how you feel, being heard, sharing your most private thoughts, risking embarrassment and receiving acceptance – that feeling you get when you do all of that – that is love.
When you have no Emotional Connection, love is not created. If someone is not sure if they love someone, then there is not enough Emotional Connection to generate that love. So if someone is not feeling love for someone else, then they are not connecting with that person on the emotional level.
A little disclaimer here about “love.” This word is tossed around so much that its meaning gets diluted. Some folks think of love as feeling good about someone. Other folks think of love as desiring someone. A few folks see love as getting excited about someone. In other words, love becomes a synonym for many other feelings. We at Partnership & Love, define love as the emotion of connection. Love is what you feel when you are connected to someone else through sharing, acknowledging, accepting and appreciating.
A Real Relationship Leaves You Feeling Secure and Strong
“I was left behind feeling used and unlovable.”
One more quick sign. If you’re not feeling secure and strong after even just one conversation with someone, then know there was a lack of Emotional Connection. Therefore, if your conversations with the person you are with leave you “feeling used and unlovable,” then you are not in a relationship, plain and simple.
Quote is taken from this previously published article.