“Be bold, take risks, be vulnerable,” is how Tom sums it up.
“If each of those things hadn’t been done, there’s a good chance we wouldn’t be together and gosh, that would be – what a waste. That’d be horrible,” he says.
Tom just met the woman of his dreams, and just as quickly, he lost her. He had her first name, Kim, and learned a little about her, but that was it. The next morning, she was gone and he had no way to find her.
Vulnerability to the Rescue!
The year was 1998. Tom and his friend, John, had been backpacking through Europe and were checking into a hostel in Munich, Germany. Waiting for the elevator were two young women, Kim and Amanda. The four of them struck up a conversation and agreed to have dinner together. For Tom, though, it was more than a friendly meal with fellow travelers. His heart was beating, his mind was racing. Something about Kim had him wanting to get to know her better.
They had dinner and returned to the hostel, staying up late, getting to know each other. Finally, they agreed to see each other again for breakfast and each headed for their respective rooms.
The next morning, Tom could not find Kim anywhere. He confirmed that she had left the hostel and there wasn’t even a note left behind.
This was a time before social media and texting. Most people did not have a cellphone. There was email, but you had to have a computer to access it. So with just a first name, and thinking she was most likely still in Munich, Tom had to figure out a way to find her.
He came up with a plan – go to where the tourists go – the most crowded part of the city – Munich’s Marienplatz, the city’s central plaza. When Tom and John arrived there, Tom spotted a street performer on a very tall unicycle. Right then, the performer asked for volunteers.
“Find some way to be noticed,” Tom thought.
Not something he would normally do, he stepped forward and volunteered. The performer quickly had Tom and John helping with the act in the middle of a huge audience. That small act was enough to change Tom’s life for the better. Right then, Kim, drawn in by the big crowd and street performer, immediately saw Tom and called out to him. They have been together ever since.
“Be bold, take risks, be vulnerable.”
This is one of the most important qualities in creating and maintaining Emotional Connection. And all couples need Emotional Connection to be in Relationship with each other.
The night Tom and Kim met, they were already starting their journey of connection, creating Emotional Connection with each other by asking personal questions.
“Do you want children? Do you want to get married? How do you see your life going? What do you want in your future?”
Answering these questions with honesty creates Emotional Connection, but it also makes you vulnerable. This is because it also exposes you to rejection or humiliation. Thus, being honest about yourself is Vulnerability. You have to be bold and take risks to do so.
Just like Tom became vulnerable by stepping into the middle of a crowd to so that Kim would have a chance to notice him, both Kim and Tom exposed their true selves to each other the night before by honestly talking about their inner feelings and thoughts. Now, not only do they have a physical connection of spending their lives together, they also have Emotional Connection that keeps their relationship healthy and happy.