Working On Your Inner Child

If you are wondering why working on your Inner Child is important, read the paragraph below, then ask yourself, “Is this happening in my relationships?”

Does this happen in your relationships?

You meet someone who seems to be special. You hit it off and can’t stop thinking about each other. Everything you do and say seems to be perfect. Being with that person is fun, exiting, and in general you feel good. Then, as you spend more time together, perhaps even start building a life together, the fun, excitement and good feelings start to go away. Things you do and say no longer get loving reactions or responses. There are spats, feelings hurt, melt downs, and you find yourself no longer sharing things, thoughts or feelings.

For some people, this takes a few months. Or for others, this process can stretch out for years. Sadly, there are many people who continue to be with someone though the fun, excitement and love have completely vanished.

Why do relationships fall apart? And what does it have to do with working on my Inner Child?

There are two closely related reasons why your Inner Child might be hurting your relationships.

First, your growth, especially emotional growth, was disrupted by your childhood environment. This includes how your parents raised you, your siblings, and your circumstances, including cultural, social and financial.

Second, your relationship belief system is not accurate. In other words, what you learned in childhood about relationships is not true for creating a relationship that is continuously full of fun, excitement and love.

Read below about the 8 most common Childhood disruptions.

Your struggles with relationships are not your fault.

At the same time, working on your relationships is your responsibility.

Take responsibility for your Inner Child.

To do this, you must choose to no longer be a victim to your childhood, no matter the circumstances.

– Chris Enni

Your struggles with relationships are not your fault.

The good news is that your relationship struggles due to childhood disruptions are not your fault. In other words, you are not consciously choosing to struggle with relationships. You are being driven by your Inner Child. This leads to the bad news, (though it’s really good news, too). If you want to be in a true relationship, you need to take responsibility for your Inner Child. You can and must choose to no longer be a victim to your childhood, no matter the circumstances.

Why do you have to be working on your Inner Child to improve your relationships?

All of your relationship beliefs come from your childhood. As a child, we do not have control of our circumstances, heritage, cultural norms, and caregivers. So, whatever you learned, or didn’t learn, about relationships as a child was not of your choosing. But indeed, what you did absorb as a child, and how you unconsciously survived, is holding you back from experiencing a true relationship (click here to learn more).

Our entire childhood is a period of growth and learning. It’s not only physical growth, but also mental, intellectual and emotional. Maturity in all these aspects helps us to thrive in an adult relationship. It stands to reason that an adult relationship, with all of its love, excitement and fun, requires physical, mental and emotional functioning at an adult level.

Thus, when you do the work to grow your Inner Child, especially emotional growth, then your relationships will automatically begin to improve as well.

Childhood Disruptions

Working on your Inner Child is working on your relationships.

There are 8 Major Childhood Disruptions:

Neglect
Rejection
Punishment
Over-Coercion
Perfectionism
Over-Indulgence
Over-Submission
Sexualization

Did you experience any of these Childhood Disruptions? Read the descriptions below. Keep in mind that’s is possible to experience more than one type of disruption during your 18+ years of childhood.

Neglect –

A parent or caregiver did not emotionally connect with a child during an otherwise normal childhood.
Can show up in adulthood as possessing a strong feeling that they are disconnected, isolated, on their own, or missing something but doesn’t know what it is.

Rejection –

A parent or caregiver directly or indirectly rejects a child such that they express they don’t want, never wanted, or no longer wish to be a parent.
Can show up in adulthood as possessing a strong feeling that they are unlovable, unwanted, or excluded.

Punishment –

Suffering any form of punishment that results in physical, emotional or mental pain, especially over prolonged periods of time.
Can show up in adulthood as possessing a strong feeling that they are wrong, bad, unworthy, or not valuable.
Can also show up as being self-punishing or self-sabotaging.
Can be difficult to trust others, enjoy life, and be successful.

Over-Coercion –

Constantly being told what to do or lectured on right and wrong.
Often happens in conjunction with Punishment.
Can show up in adulthood as intense procrastination, or an inability to stand up for their own needs.
Can also show up as an impulse to tell others what to do, or a strong need to be right.

Perfectionism –

Never being good enough for someone.
Can show up in adulthood as a strong impulse to be perfect in one or more area of their life.
Can include a need for others to be perfect.
Can also feel like being in a prolonged state of disappointment, or never feeling satisfied.

Over-Indulgence –

A parent or caregiver pre-empted a child’s wants and needs and provided everything for the child without them needing to ask.
Can show up in adulthood as constantly being bored, unexcited, or never passionate about anything.
Can also show up as an inability to provide for their own needs.

Over-Submission –

A parent or caregiver continually give into the child’s wants and demands.
Often happens in conjunction with Over-Coercion.
Can show up in adulthood as making strong demands on others to provide for their needs.
Can also show up as an intense fear of being on their own, or inability to provide for oneself.

Sexualization –

A parent or caregiver exposes a child to sexual stimulations in any form.
Can show up in adulthood as being overly focused on sex, either real or fantasy.
Can also show up as sex becoming a substitute for connection.
Or can show up in adulthood as having issues around sex.

If any of these disruptions resonate with you, then we invite you to explore how those are continuing to disrupt your growth and relationships as an adult. The important thing to always keep in mind is that you did not choose your childhood. But as an adult, you do have a choice. Though often to make that choice, you must find the courage to so do. We are here to help you see how powerful you really are to create the relationship you want.